Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
