You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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