I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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