God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
