Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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