if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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