A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
