Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My dick has a subreddit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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