I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
