last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
