Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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