you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
