I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
