Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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