I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
