I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
