Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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