Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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