he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
