She is in my trunk
wanna go halves on a baby?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
