You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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