An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
