her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
