Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
