and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
