Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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