can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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