She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
