We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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