marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
