My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
