RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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