I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack