I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.