You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic