Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?