I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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