you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
