I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
