Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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