he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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