just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize