He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
