fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
