if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
