Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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