I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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