Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
