The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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