it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
