You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
