Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
