I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
