woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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