she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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