escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I smell like Dick and happiness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
