The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
nutella sex= disaster
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
