You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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