Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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