One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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