Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
