i think my mom watched the whole time
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
