I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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