he referred to my room as the tit cave...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
