At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
