I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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