Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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Slut skills are useful in every country.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When did angry sex become our thing?
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We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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