Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
