Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
