apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize