Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
