You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
