i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
