My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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