seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
