I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
