Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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