Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
