I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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