thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
