it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
