I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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