We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
