My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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