I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
