Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
